An Appreciation: The Predator Series

It has been two decades since an actually worthwhile "Predator" flick has been unleashed in theaters. I am of course discounting the two abysmal "Alien Vs. Predator" flicks that came out recently. Most even say that "Predator 2" was also a terrible film. I, however, beg to differ. Both "Predator" films have a uniqueness to them that I find appealing to this day...

Shall I explain?? But, of course...

For years, Robert Rodriquez wanted to get his own "Predator" project off the ground. This goes all the way back to the late 90s... Many years, and projects later, he finally got to visualize his concept of a "Predator planet." Opting out of directing, Nimrod Antal of "Vacancy" and "Kontroll" fame was hired to direct it. I have not seen this film yet, but it indeed looks promising. And being that this is a Summer practically DEVOID of horror, this flick is as close as I can hope to get. I do consider these films as more of being "Sci-fi Action Flicks" as opposed to "Sci-fi Horror" like the "Alien" series though. Either way, the "Predator" films were part of me from childhood, and I think some appreciation needs to be thrown their way, hence this segment...

"Predator" (1987)

This movie really needs no introduction. This flick was part of "The Unholy Quad" of crazy 80s action flicks that I devoured as a young child ("RoboCop," "The Terminator," and "Die Hard" were the others). Action movies were my thing back in my early years. Give me some ultra-violence, some cigar-chomping tough guys, some bitchin' one-liners, and I was a happy camper. They really don't make them like they used to...

Your basic plot: A rescue team on a mission to rescue hostages from guerilla d-baggs in Central America come across the ultimate hunter: the Predator. A seemingly indestructible alien with high-powered weapons, cunning survival skills, and an awesome set of dreads, he makes mincemeat of the team save for one. Yeah, you can't fuck with Schwarzeneggar! After all, he IS "Commando"...



Filled to the brim with kickass action, voracious gore, and a fucking catalog of awesome one-liners ("Get to tha choppa!", "Stick around!", "Knock, knock...", and loads more...), this film is indeed one of my all-time favorites. The cast is all sorts of badassery (Bill Duke, Sonny Landham, Carl Weathers, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, etc.), and the action is non-stop! From mega-producer Joel Silver, this film was directed by the great John McTiernan, who made the all-time classic "Die Hard" one year later. This gives him a "Total Awesomeness Badge" for all time.

Even though this flick isn't exactly "horror," it has enough skinless bodies, blood, and goreguts to make horror nuts happy. Additionally, the make-up effects job done by Stan Winston and Co. were mind-blowing!!!

Look at this purdy vagina-face...



Overall, this flick is a bonafide action classic. It's fun, gory, fast, furious, and remains one of the baddest-ass movies of all time...



Due mainly to Schwarzeneggar, the film made some nice bank at the box office, and a sequel was made three years later...



"Predator 2" (1990)

Briefly mentioned in the first film that the Predator is attracted to "heat" and "conflict," it is fully explained in this film by none other Gary fucking Busey!! Yeah. This time, the film's setting switches from the jungles of Central America to the urban jungle of Los Angeles in 1997! An all-out war is escalating between two gangs of ruthless drug dealers: The Colombians and The Jamaicans. What the hell? Jah teaches and preaches the peace, bros!! Maybe some Bad Brains will set you straight...



No, huh? Well fine!!! Continue with your power wars, you greed mongers!!!

Oh, wait. The Predator is in town. And he wants blood! Drug war blood!!! Not even Scarface can stop this gore-hungry, spinal cord-ripping bastard!!! Add to the mix a very persistent Danny Glover, a secret Special Forces unit headed by krazy Busey, a weirdo drug lord named King Willie, and of course, El Scorpio...

This guy...



"Come and get it!!! El Scorpio is reeaddy!!!"

This guy scared me as a young child. Even more so than the Predator...

Full of sicktastic gore, crazy action, a wild cast (Bill Paxton, Ruben Blades, Morton Downey Jr., Calvin Lockhart, Robert Davi, Adam Baldwin, etc.), and a couple of nice one-liners ("Who's next?", "I don't think he gives a shit," etc.), this movie, however, was not greatly received by audiences, and did some poor box office, which halted any future installments to be made. At first, I didn't like this film much either. But over the years, it has indeed grown on me, and has become a nice guilty pleasure. Additionally, the director of this film was Stephen Hopkins, fresh off his directing gig, "A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child." Even though that was the worst "Nightmare" film (in my opinion), he really stepped up his game in this flick, and put a lot of style and visual flair behind it. He later went on to helm more high-profile flicks, like "Judgment Night" and "Blown Away."

Another special performance to note is the late, great Kevin Peter Hall's as the infamous title character. Portraying him in both films, he really brought the character to life, and made him a totally evil, malevolent presence throughout both films. Much like how certain stuntmen like Kane Hodder, Tyler Mane, and Derek Mears brought life to their particular roles, Hall really made his character into one badass motherfucker...

Overall, it was a damn good sequel that takes a lot of shit, but oh well. You only hate what you don't understand!!! Which is why so many people hate punk music. But that's a whole other can of worms!!

"Predator" easily gets a 5/5 (*****/*****)
Classic, classic movie. 'Nuff said.

"Predator 2" gets a 3/5 (***/*****)
Damn good follow-up! Great, gory fun!

A nice double feature of these two bad boys is highly recommended...

The Dead Next Door - Obscure Horror Month

Brandon Sites of Big Daddy Horror Reviews is running a month long series on Obscure Horror films. He asked various bloggers to take part including myself. Here is the link to my contribution on this subject ( http://www.bigdaddyhorrorreviews.com/2010/07/dead-next-door-obscure-horror-month.html ). The idea was to spotlight films that other people might have missed in an effort to provide more viewing selections for horror fans out there who feel like they have seen it all. Make sure to check back each day as he will have a new obscure title spotlighted each day.

An Appreciation: Rob Zombie's Halloween II

Obviously, this is not the sequel to original, seminal John Carpenter classic, but rather the further exploits of "Hobo Myers" in Rob Zombie's "Halloween" universe. I loved the "Halloween II" from 1981. In fact, I enjoy practically all the "Halloween" series, save for a few bad eggs (Parts 6 and 8, I'm looking in your direction...). Part 5 was kind of a snoozer, but it is still watchable. And even if Tina was uber-annoying, she had a hotness about her (and major FAIL for killing off Ellie!!)

Anyways, Rob Zombie's "Halloween" films are polarizing to many fans of the original series, and horror fans alike. Many fans love the films, some "like" them, some think they are "just okay." But, many many fans downright hate what Rob Zombie has done to the series.

Personally, I enjoy parts of his spin on "Halloween." A lot of what Rob Zombie put in was interesting and fresh, but what got me was that the second half was just a tired retread of John Carpenter's original. And... I like cussing. I have the mouth of a sailor going from port-to-port, but the language in this flick was just too much. In "Devil's Rejects" it was fine, but not these movies. But I guess he was simply putting his own "stamp" on it.

Here's an example of one such scene...



I actually thought that shit was pretty hilarious...

Anyway, it was the end of Summer last year, August 30, to be exact. I did something that I hardly ever do... watch two flicks in one day!! I caught "THE Final Destination 3D" at an early show, and was very, very disappointed. It was easily the weakest in the entire franchise, and I wasted a good 13 bucks... On the way home, disheartened, I went to a local theater to catch "Halloween II," and I was truly not expecting much...

From the opening scenes at the hospital, I was hooked in. Even when it was revealed that it was a dream, that was a nice, lean, taut piece of slasher mayhem!! Then the movie kicked in high gear, and we learn that Laurie is a punk, Loomis is a money-hungry d-bagg, Annie's kinda bitchy, Michael is NOT dead, but a hobo with krazy Grizzly Adams hair, that Rabbit-in-Red strip club is STILL open (yay!), and many bizarre dream sequences are abound, most of them include Rob Zombie's wife in her "Living Dead Girl" get-up whispering all sorts of nonsense about family. Yeah. All of that actually happened in this flick!! I went along for the ride, though, and when we finally got to the slaughter, that was quite a thing. Michael Myers was killing the fuck out of people!!! He was like a rabid animal!! He was relentless, furious, and totally sicktastic!!! Tyler Mane really unleashed something in this performance this time around. The gore was insane, the nudity was plentiful, and I really dug the cinematography, courtesy of "Crank 2" DP Brandon Trost. And, yes, the dirty language was still there, but I overlooked it. I know some chicks with some potty mouths...

I felt that this was truly Rob Zombie's "Halloween" film!! It had a crazy, dirty, sleazy "Grindhouse" vibe, from the nudity, to the gore, to the 70s-style camerawork, I was pleasantly surprised by the balls this flick had! It was almost like a "Splatterpunk" movie. The splatter was there, and there was a lot of "punk" in this flick as well. From the characters of Laurie and her friends, to the aggressive, "fuck-you" rage of Michael Myers, to the totally bitchin' soundtrack, this movie was punk as hell...

Speaking of the soundtrack, what a great selection of songs this flick had!! Aside from the John Carpenter cues and Tyler Bates' frenetic score, there were boatloads of classic songs in this flick!!!

Here's a brief listing of songs used in the movie...

1. "Nights in White Satin" Moody Blues
2. "Things We Do For Love" 10CC
3. "Kick Out the Jams" MC5
4. "Jackie Blue" Ozark Mountain Daredevils
5. "What's Your Name?" Lynyrd Skynyrd
6. "Am I Evil?" Diamond Head
7. "I Against I" Bad Brains
8. "Amerarockers" Scream
9. "Like Leila Khaled Said" The Teardrop Explodes
10. "I Just Wanna Make Love To You" Foghat
11. "Time to Die" Void
12. "Love Hurts" Nan Vernon
13. "The Chase is Better Than The Catch" Motorhead

Having these songs in the flick let Zombie leave an additional stamp on the film.

Here's an unused trailer that used one of these songs to a great effect...



Anyway, from the music, to the outrageous gore, to the crazy imagery, this flick was really something different. It was a mess, but it was a beautiful, bloody mess. I'd like to call it a "beautiful disasterpiece."

After initially seeing it, I didn't know what to think. All I knew was, that I wanted to see it again. And I did. I watched that flick three more times in the theater!! I figure there must be some sort of logic, as to why I watched it so many times like that...

And, I answer: Like I said earlier, this film had a great 70s/80s Grindhouse Slasher vibe going for it. It had a level of down-and-dirty nastiness that hasn't been seen since films like "Maniac," "The Burning," "Driller Killer," "Toolbox Murders," "New York Ripper," and other films from that era. I greatly appreciated that. This was almost Rob Zombie's crazy, uberviolent take on Slasher films, except that this was, in actuality, a franchise film. I can only imagine what fans would think if this was its own slasher, instead of being associated with the "Halloween" series...
Hmmm....

Despite the numerous (and at times, unnecessary) dream sequences, this film was a lean, down-and-dirty slice of slasher mayhem!! Myers was in fine form, slicing and dicing anyone in his path (seriously, how many times did he bash that poor stripper's head in? Why, Michael Myers? She was just trying to earn a living...). It was interesting what was done with the characters of Loomis and Laurie (I liked "Punk Laurie." She had my heart.), and there was some interesting appearances from Margot Kidder, Howard Hesseman, Chris Hardwick, and "Weird Al"!!

All in all, it was an interesting "experiment" from Zombie, but fans didn't really eat it up. The box office totals were sub-par, so the supposed "next" installment is consequently on hold. I, however, am quite amused that such a grimy, dirty, mean-spirited horror flick made it into theaters!!! It seems that the MPAA are a bunch of lazy bitches nowadays... Haha.

Anyway, "Halloween II" gets a 3 and 1/2 out of 5 stars (***1/2/*****)
It had its numerous faults, but I guess I have this weird, sick love for this movie...

"Do you find me sadistic?"

I'll leave you with a classic song from Motorhead that was used in the movie and rightly sums up just about ANY slasher flick...

Music is My Life!!! - 20 MORE Essential Punk Recordings

I know, I couldn't resist...

Inspired from my last post, I decided to make a follow-up list from my 30 Essential Punk Recordings list, but this time I'll make it 20 so that it'll be an even 50...

I love Punk too much. I couldn't leave it at just 30...

Here goes...

1. "Blank Generation" by Richard Hell & The Voidoids
"It's such a gamble when you get a face..."
Richard Hell and Co. created a classic, iconic punk anthem that was the theme song to a generation... a blank generation!

2. "Roadrunner" by The Modern Lovers
Who knew that annoying-as-hell singer from "There's Something About Mary" was behind one of punk's defining anthems? Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers were way ahead of their time before the punk movement even started! This song went on to be covered badly by The Sex Pistols...

3. "Oh Bondage! Up Yours!" by X-Ray Spex
Led by the incomparable Poly Styrene, these geek-punkers from England sang about sadomasochism and all of its perks in this classic song, backed by Lara Logic and her gnarly saxomophone...

4. "Orgasm Addict" by The Buzzcocks
Hailing from the same stomping grounds as such legendary punk bands like The Clash and The Sex Pistols, The Buzzcocks hammered through this risque track about wanking...

5. "Lexicon Devil" by The Germs
Snotty, bratty, abrasive, and totally in-your-face, The Germs could have taken over the world with this song (if punk was more accessible, that is...). The late, great Darby Crash was one of the most dynamic frontmen in punk music. I want a Germs burn!!

6. "My Way" by Sid Vicious
Taking the mike this time, the late Sid Vicious sneered through this memorable cover of the Sinatra classic. I prefer this version. Oi!!!

7. "Out of Vogue" by Middle Class
One of the first Hardcore bands to come out of L.A., Middle Class tore through this minute-long track about not wanting to know what happens in the world. Yep, that was punk...

8. "Sex & Violence" by The Exploited
A punk classic, this band went on for five minutes about Sex & Violence! They must have liked it a lot to basically reiterate the same lyrics throughout the whole song!! "Sex & Violence!! Sex & Violence!! Sex & Violence...."

9. "Tell Me Why" by MIA
I love this song... It's basically asking you why you like living in the U.S.A. A true punk classic...

10. "We're Comin' Out" by The Replacements
It was hard to pick one great Replacements song, so I decided to pick their "coming out" party! This song signifies the introduction of a truly great band. And it was a pretty fast up-tempo rocker as well...

11. "Suburban Home" by The Descendents
"I wanna be stereotyped. I wanna be classified."
What is more Punk than the acceptance of Suburbia, and wanting a home there? Oh wait, it isn't. These guys didn't care though. From their landmark album "Milo Goes to College," this song melds pop sensibilities with Hardcore awesomeness...

12. "Let's Go Mano!" by The Donnas
Taken from their raw, dirty debut album, these teenage Rock & Roll machines dedicated this song to beating up lame-os. I fell in love...

13. "File 13" by A.F.I.
Davey Havoc screams and careens amidst a Hardcore backbeat in one of their earliest songs from "Very Proud of Ya." I liked Hardcore A.F.I. Goth A.F.I. is kool too...

14. "Surfin' Dead" by The Cramps
Taken from the punk-horror classic "Return of the Living Dead," lead singer Lux Interior swaggers through this psychobilly romp, and the Dead have never been happier...

15. "People Who Died" by The Jim Carroll Band
This poetic, fast-paced punk 'n roller is a stirring tribute to the many friends that Jim Carroll lost growing up. A classic track from a classic band.

16. "The Damned" by The Plasmatics
I love Wendy Orlean Williams. She sang like she was the crazee punk offspring of Janis Joplin and Lemmy!! The Plasmatics ripped through this punk-metal track, and the video was BEYOND awesome!!!



17. "Monkey Gone to Heaven" by The Pixies
Classic track from the forebearers to Nirvana. This song was totally heavy, yet melodic at the same time...
"If the devil is 6, then GOD IS 7!!!"

18. "Just Like Honey" by The Jesus and Mary Chain
This song is literally 3 minutes in heaven. It's totally distorted but melodic and beautiful at the same time.
"I'll be a plastic toy... I'll be a plastic toy..."

19. "Take the Skinheads Bowling" by Camper Van Beethoven
"There's not a line here that goes or ryhmes with anything... Anything! Anything!"
Shit... the skinheads need love too! Just take them bowling!!

20. "Final Solution" by Pere Ubu
This song captures what it is to be a punker. The lyrics and the beautiful sounds meld together in a cathartic way at the end of it. Listen on...



Okay, that's all, I promise... well, for now.

And, as Chop-Top so succinctly puts it, "Music is My Life!!!"

Music is My Life!!! - 30 Essential Punk Recordings

Rock and Roll rules my very soul, much like teenage metalhead Eddie Weinbauer's in the classic 80's heavy metal horror flick "Trick or Treat." Even though he defeated his demonic idol Sammi Curr, Eddie still loved heavy metal in the end. I share this same devotion to punk music. I have quite an attraction and admiration to punk music. I also relate to it far more than any other kind of music. As it relates to this blog, I'd figure I'd share my all-time top 30 favorite punk songs that are essential to any punk fan.

Witness the Power & The Passion...

1. Tie between "Blitzkrieg Bop" and "I Wanna Be Sedated" by The Ramones
The Ramones are one of my all-time favorite bands, so I couldn't decide between these two landmark songs. "Blitzkrieg" is an all-out sonic blast about killing Nazis, and "Sedated" is easily my favorite song of all time. 'Nuff said...

2. "Anarchy in the U.K." by The Sex Pistols
Total obnoxious, in-your-face aggressiveness courtesy of our favorite London lads. Sid Vicious couldn't play for shit... God bless him for it...

3. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana
An all-out rallying cry for the 90s youth of America, this song meant nothing, yet meant everything... I still miss Kurt...

4. "TV Party" by Black Flag
Showing that even punks can have a sense of humor, Henry Rollins and Co. have a beer-soaked good time watching TV and hiding from the harsh realities of life.
I know... deep.

5. "Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies
Hardcore thrash at its best, this classic mosh-pit must told the story of poor Mike, who keeps getting hassled by his parents and friends for being a little nutty. Like Norman says, "We all go a little mad sometimes." Now get him a Pepsi already!!!

6. "When the Shit Hits the Fan" by Circle Jerks
"I used to like these guys."
I prefer the classic acoustic version as made famous in the 1984 cult classic "Repo Man." And, as funny as it was, it was also a tirade against Reagan-era America. Reagan was a constant target for punkers. Some respect is owed to Reagan for inspiring such timely, hateful punk songs...

7. "Holiday in Cambodia" by Dead Kennedys
No bastard was as clever a punker as was Jello Biafra. With his tongue planted firmly in cheek, he and his band created some funny-as-hell, but poignant punk classics, including this song which tried to convince you to take a nice "holiday" in Cambodia. "Pol Pot!!"

8. "New Rose" by The Damned
One of my all-time favorite love songs, this up-tempo punk 'n roller makes me want to fall in love... possibly with a redhead??? Naw... any chick can be a rose...

9. "Pay to Cum!" by Bad Brains
Classic lightning-paced thrash-em up, this song is more than about prostitution. It's more of a call to arms! It's about revolution! Resistance!! Urgency!!! Uprising!!!! Viva la Bad Brains!!!

10. "Where Eagles Dare" by The Misfits
"I ain't no goddamn sonofabitch... you better think about it baby..."
A rousing, dirty rocker, Mr. Glenn Danzig spearheaded this legendary group, and was responsible for most of the lyrics as well. This little ditty looked right into the void, and appropriately spit a loogey in its face!!

11. "I Don't Care About You" by Fear
The title says it all. Lee Ving really doesn't care about you. Deal with it...

12. "Johny Hit and Run Paulene" by X
A crazee punk-rawkabilly jam that served as an anti-rape song, with a bitchin' Chuck Berry riff. I love X. They were true originals. Poets, punks, practitioners... that was X.

13. "Straight Edge" by Minor Threat
This bite-sized Hardcore masher dared you to live life without sex, drugs or alcohol, and rightly inspired a punk movement in the process. I basically live a "Straight Edge" life. Props to Ian MacKaye!!!

14. "Ode to..." by Beastie Boys
This Hardcore blaster comes courtesy of the Boys from Brooklyn! Before they ignited the hip hop movement in the mid-80s, they were just a group of Hardcore kids who were heavily involved in the New York scene along with Bad Brains, and countless others...

15. "I Wanna Be Your Dog" by The Stooges
A groovy late 60s proto-punker, Iggy wanted to be totally dominated in this song. And he made no apologies for it. And that is what punk is all about...

16. "Kick Out the Jams" by The MC5
Spawning from the same desolate area that The Stooges were from... Detroit, Michigan, this band of rock-and-rollers were full of piss, vinegar, and all-out political rage!!! But, they also wanted to rock your balls!!!!!

17. "Lookin' For a Kiss" by New York Dolls
"You goin' ta church??!?"
If the Rolling Stones were down-and-dirty punkers, they'd be the New York Dolls!! I actually even prefer the Dolls to the Stones (with all due respect). Headed by the incomparable David Johansen, and featuring the late, great Johnny Thunders on lead guitar, these guys were just lookin' for a kiss...

18. "Janie Jones" by The Clash
The Clash showed their fangs on their first record. They were all political rage, dub beats, fast punk, and lovelorn... all on their first album. No wonder they are known as one of the bands that really "mattered"...

19. "Punk Rock Girl" by The Dead Milkmen
I grew up with this song. I had this on cassette!! I love, love, love this song!! I totally wanna meet my Punk Rawk Gurl!!! I wanna go take a walk to Zipperhead, and find a girl who'll knock me dead...

20. "Fairytale in the Supermarket" by The Raincoats
This post-punk all-girl group from the U.K. demanded your attention with their screeching guitars, distorted violinist, and banshee-like vocals from all of the members. This band remains one of Kurt Cobain's favorite groups. I know why...

21. "Warsaw" by Joy Division
Before turning to moody doom punk (which later evolved into Goth), this seminal group churned out this punk 'n roll goodie that proved they were a force to be reckoned with...

22. "Don't Want to Know if You Are Lonely" by Husker Du
This break-up song was mad, gloomy, depressing, and longing at the same time! Only the melodic punkers Husker Du could churn out songs like these. Listen to their landmark album "Candy Apple Grey." It's chock full of 'em!

23. "History Lesson Part II" by Minutemen
NO! This isn't the lame-o Disney band!!! These "fucking Corn Dogs" from San Pedro were named after the fact that they had songs that were mere minutes long. This song is different. It's a nice, slow, melodic jam that pays tribute to punkers from the past like... "Richard Hell, Joe Strummer, and John Doe..." Classic.

24. "Amerarockers" by Scream
I'll love this song forever... Melding a nearly invisible line of Hardcore and Reggae, this is a song you can groove to, and ROCK to!! And it has a universal message about the power of music.
"You dance with me, and I'll dance with you..."

25. "Parade of the Horribles" by Circle Jerks
Yes... this is the total theme song to this blog!! Listen up...



26. "Nervous Breakdown" by Black Flag
From their early days (with Keith Morris fronting before he went to the Jerks), this song was a full frontal assault on your senses!! It's also the ringtone on my phone...

27. "Dance With Me" by T.S.O.L.
"Dance with me, my dear... on a floor of bones and skulls..."
Yes. This song will be at my wedding party. Total Goth-punk ambiance...

28. "Halloween" by The Misfits
Classic Misfits, this song IS Halloween!!! That is all.
"I remember Halloween, this day, anything goes..."

29. "Urban Struggle" by The Vandals
"I want to be a cowboy..."
A song you can seriously mosh to, even if it is about the mortal enemies of punkers... rednecks!!! A genius moment from a genius band...

30. "Born to Lose" by The Heartbreakers
"Living in the jungle, it ain't so hard..."
I truly identify with this song. If Springsteen was a nihilistic, drug-addled punker, he'd write this song. Johnny Thunders was truly one of a kind...

Well, there you have it! 30 songs that rock and roll my soul...
Essential for any punker or any fan of some good hard-rockin' music!!

Here's some examples...
"Fairytale in the Supermarket" by The Raincoats



"Urban Struggle" by The Vandals, and some memorable scenes from the punk movie "Dudes"...



There you have it, boils and ghouls... and as Chop-Top so succinctly puts it,
"Music is My Life!!!"

Romanticizing: Orphan (2009)

"Orphan" (2009)

Inspired from my last post, I've decided to give this film a nice little review. Amidst a flurry of high-powered remakes and sequels last year, one sneaky little Summer sleeper managed to "scare" up some gravy, and raise some eyebrows. That movie was 2009's "Orphan." Released smack dab in the middle of Summer, the film gained a bit of controversy over its ad campaign that somewhat casted orphans in a bad light. The producers of the film denied these allegations, and the film's release surprisingly made a substantial amount of bank at the box office. I was one of the people who was interested in the film's negative publicity. At first, though, I didn't want to see it. Only after hearing a few positive reviews and also finding out that Leonardo DiCaprio was one of the producers, my interest grew and I subsequently went out to see the film. I got totally floored!!

For starters, the film was beautifully made. Director Jaume Collet-Serra gave the film a unique visual flair that gave the film class and grace, despite the horrors that unfold. The story, as it were, concerns two young parents Kate and John (played by Vera Farmiga and Peter Sarsgaard) who have two children (one boy and one girl), in which they decide to adopt a third child from an orphanage. This doomed couple meet Esther, a bright, charming 9-year-old child whose original family perished in a tragic fire. Recovering from the loss of the third child they were supposed to have, the couple adopt Esther and are immediately entranced by her. Eventually, the seemingly normal Esther starts to show her fangs. Not literally, folks.

Esther's bratty schoolmate has a mysterious "accident" at the playground (in a tense little scene). Esther also has ribbons on her neck and wrists and refuses to take them off. She also carries around a mysterious little bible everywhere she goes. A nun from the orphanage makes an unwanted visit and ultimately "disappears." Mere coincidences?? Fuck no. Innocent little Esther is on a rampage!! Not since "The Bad Seed" has a child been this evil. In fact, Esther could kick the shit out of little Patty McCormick!! Delivering the film's scenery-chewing performance, young actress Isabelle Fuhrman was ice-cold evil in her portrayal of Esther, even pointing a gun at her innocent little 5-year-old "sister," and threatening to cut off her "brother's" penis!!! And even though Regan MacNeil takes the cake in terms of evil children, she was possessed by the devil!! Esther didn't have Satan on her side. She had her cunning manipulative skills and her unhinged lunacy!!! I loved this character! Ms. Fuhrman gave us a great new pint-sized horror villain that we could root for (and against)!



See that? That's evil...

In terms of the rest of the cast, Vera Farmiga was excellent as a flawed, tragic character wanting to rebuild her life and her family. Another gifted actress of note is young little Aryana Engineer as the couple's deaf, mute 5-year-old Max. One particular scene I enjoyed was at the beginning of the movie when Kate read a story to Max in a total silent scene (with subtitles). This scene was remarkably well-staged, and served as the "calm" before the storm of Hurricane Esther...

A few weak links in the acting area were Peter Sarsgaard as the husband and Margo Martindale as Kate's therapist helping her through the death of their "third" child and Kate's former alcohol addiction. I didn't like these characters. Sarsgaard basically played his character as disbelieving of whatever his wife says, and the doctor is basically the same. During the movie, Kate starts suspecting Esther of various "occurences" that happen, and naturally nobody believes poor Kate. These characters were so fucking annoying, I really wanted Esther to dispose of them!! And that, folks, is proof of an awesome horror movie!!

And, now we get to the juicyness.... the ending. The ending to this film totally caught me by surprise and was WAY out of left-field!! I must insist that you should watch the movie to see what I mean (in case you haven't already). This ending is most definitely among my Top 10 favorite endings in a horror flick, but that's for another post...

All in all, I give "Orphan" a solid 4/5 stars (****)

It was beautifully-made, well-shot, well-acted, it had a nice pace, and a killer ending!! Highly recommended for horror nuts and/or any of you who want something a little "different." It was a nice, fresh, slick, dirty little spin on all of our beloved "evil children" movies. This flick is a keeper...

In conclusion, I'll leave you with a bizarre, twisted little noise-punk assault from classic late-70s New York group Teenage Jesus & The Jerks (featuring the incomparable Lydia Lunch). This song most definitely sums up this flick, and even should have played during the end credits...

"Orphans" by Teenage Jesus & The Jerks:

Let's Review! - Splice (2010)

The Summer blockbuster season has started. A barrage of sequels and 3D flicks will subsequently be invading the theaters. Who wants to see "Eclipse"?? Anyway, there are some exceptions to this Summer Movie Madness going on. Sometimes there are a few little dirty gems amongst all the polished, big-budget drivel. And usually, those little gems are horror movies. Last Summer saw the release of two great little sleepers called "Orphan" and "The Collector." They both gave me quite a surprise, and the end of that Summer saw the box office smackdown of "The Final Destination," and Rob Zombie's "Halloween II." Sadly, this Summer seems to be quite devoid of horror, which is unfortunate. This past weekend, I went out to see "Splice," a movie that I feel kind of "uneven" about. Here's my first full review:



Splice (2010)

The Dark Castle Remake Machine has been running out of steam lately. Over the past few years they have been doing actual "original" horror movies (what a concept). Last year's "Orphan" is one such example. Now these films aren't "totally" original. They are more like fresh "spins" on classic horror staples. "Orphan" was a nice fresh spin on "evil children" horror flicks like "The Bad Seed" and "Children of the Corn." This year's "Splice" is a take on the "Frankenstein" films and the various bizarre sci-fi shockers of David Cronenberg. The "It's Alive!" films also seem to be sources of inspiration to this film. The film's main focus is on the two central characters of the film named Clive and Elsa, played by Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley. I loved the references to "Frankenstein" and "Bride of Frankenstein" with their names. Clive's name comes from the name of actor Colin Clive, who played Frankenstein's creator in the original film, and Elsa's name came from the actress Elsa Lancester, who played the infamous Bride of Frankenstein. It's cool when films pay homage to the classics. I would prefer homages rather than remakes. Anyway, Clive and Elsa are a hot, nerdy scientist couple working on a new breakthrough in cloning by adding human DNA to various other species of animal DNA. What they get is Dren, an entirely new species, and ultimately a threat to humanity. Dren has certain characteristics of a human, but also has the characteristics of various animals. She can breath underwater, she has a tail with a stinger on it, and she has wings! At one point, Clive wants to destroy it, but Elsa wants it to live on, and eventually starts to love her as her own...

Who wouldn't love this face??



So, the film becomes a "dysfunctional family" tale at one point, which was pretty interesting. But you can't have a rosy, cheery, puppy-dog ending with these movies, so what ensues is various horrifying circumstances beyond the control of our leads, and the old adage of "Don't fuck with Mother Nature" comes into play.

I liked this movie. I didn't "love" it, but I liked the film as a whole. It had a lot of interesting concepts, and the acting was its strongest suit. I really liked Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley as this quirky, geeky, hot young couple. They were unconventional, which is why I liked them. Their performances were solid as well, as Polley was a motherly, strong-willed character, and Brody was the more reasonable, laid-back character. The performance that made the movie, however, was Delphine Chaneac's incredible performance of Dren. Her character was innocent, child-like, yet seductive, angry, and... pretty hot. I have a crush on Dren. Yeah...

The biggest let-down for me in terms of this film, was the ending. I don't want to reveal anything, but I guess I was expecting something truly shocking. I kept hearing all this buzz about the controversial ending, and I was expecting a "Sleepway Camp"-style ending. What I got wasn't that shocking or surprising. I expect too much out of films, especially horror films.

All in all, I give this flick a 3/5 (***)

It was a solid film, it had great characters, an engaging story, but it fell flat in terms of scares, shocks, and surprises. It also had a low gore count, which was kinda disappointing, but oh well. I would recommend watching it once. Maybe a rental. I would also recommend repeated viewings. I hated the fuck out of "The Matrix" when I first saw it, but now I love that flick!! In conclusion, it's an interesting little spin on the films of Cronenberg and the various "Frankenstein" films, so watch it if you wanna see something different...

Now here's a great little song called "Test Tube Babies" by The Plasmatics, that sums up the whole flick:



I can relate any great horror movie to punk music...