Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Summer is Dead... Let The Harvest Begin...

"I'm the Lord of The Harvest..."
"Is that some Health Food bunch??"

-Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2

Hmm... this past Summer was quite a bummer. Not a whole lot to say about it. Most of the movies that came out were pretty pathetic, and the season was basically devoid of Horror... There were some exceptions, but as a whole, it was quite disappointing. I'm quite glad that October is mere days away. A lot of sweet Horror goodness is coming our way this October, and I can't wait for the endless onslaught of annual Horror favorites that I will be watching the whole month long..

Usually, I'm constantly in a Horror state-of-mind. I'm always looking for current Horror flicks in the theaters and direct-to-video in most video stores and/or Netflix. "Deadgirl" was such an example of discovering a great movie on Netflix. October is so great because it feels like the Ultimate Month for the Horror Fan. Plus, there's always this great feeling in the air. It gets a bit colder, the leaves change colors, it's quite a beautiful atmosphere for the month of October. Bar none, October is indeed my favorite month of the year, and Halloween is my favorite day of the year. I won't really be dressing up or anything, but I will definitely be celebrating this joyous time of year.. Fuck Christmas... Halloween is my Christmas. Call me evil, call me what you will...

Looking back on the Summer, it was truly nothing to scream about. This past June's quirky Sci-Fi shocker "Splice" was an interesting entry, but there were quite a bit of hyped-up Summer flicks that didn't live up.. The following is a brief rundown..

1. "Predators"

This remake/reboot/whateverthefuck was not good.. Weak casting (Adrien Brody? Topher Grace??), lame action, and mediocre acting totally sank this so-called reboot. It was number 1 at the Box Office... who gives a fuck?? The "Friday the 13th" remake was number 1 too, do you see the supposed sequel happening anytime soon? Oh, and no more "Nightmare on Elm Street" movies please. Just let them be!! One strike was against producer Robert Rodriquez.. but he made that up in spades with his epic opus "Machete." I want to see who else "Machete Kills"...

2. "The Expendables"

I sincerely wanted a mash-up of 80's Action awesomeness and gooey gory mayhem, since this was the dude who directed the sublime "Rambo," but this, I did not get. What I got was an "okay" action flick with a bunch of guys who are just collecting paychecks. I mean, I wasn't expecting Terry Crews and Dolph Lundgren to be stealing all the scenery... Now, I almost want a spin-off movie with just Dolph.. And the CGI... the FUCKING CGI!!! It was too much, dammit!!! WHY??!? Oh Sly, you disappointed me...

3. "Piranha 3D"

Ohh... what a disappointment. Okay... Pros & Cons:

What I Got: Sweet gore, some laughs, and nekkid titties
What I didn't Get: A chance to care about any of the characters, actually "Good" performances, Alexandre Aja's visual flair... AND awesome 3D effects!!!

The 3D was weak!!! I sincerely expected a lot more from the dude who gave me the superb "High Tension," and the batshit-crazy remake of "The Hills Have Eyes."

I didn't like "Mirrors" that much, so that's Strike 2 for you, sir!! Bastard..

Geez, it's kinda bad that I would actually prefer "Toy Story 3" than these flicks.. Step your game up, Hollywood!!! I have warned thee!!


Consequently, a few end-of-Summer flicks managed to not turn the Summer into a total wash..

One brought on the gore, and the other brought on The Debil...

Robert Rodriquez's "Machete" and the surprising little Horror gem, "The Last Exorcist." Here's some thoughts on these flicks:


This slam-bang, action-filled slaughterfest rightly echoed the classic 70s/80s Exploitation genre, but also managed to carve (or in this case, slice) a niche for itself among it's Exploitation-fare brethren!! The role of ex-Federale Machete was the role Danny Trejo was born to play! Gore, boobs, and blood were plentiful, and the flick was just downright nasty fun!!

Yeah, it gave me a goregasm... And so far, no Horror movie released in theaters this year has given me this feeling.. Only "Machete," and the now-classic "Kick-Ass"!!

"The Last Exorcism"

A nice little end-of-Summer surprise, this film is basically "The Blair Witch" meets "Emily Rose"... The film follows a "supposed" exorcist who tries to cast the demons out of a backwoods country girl. Made in a Mockumentary-style in the vein of "Blair Witch" and the more recent "Paranormal Activity," it was definitely a freaky twist on Exorcism films and Satanic films like "Rosemary's Baby" and "Race With the Devil." This film is easily the best Horror film so far this year...

October awaits...

Speaking of which, there are various "treats" in store for us come Halloween this year...

In terms of DVD releases, the "reel" highlights include the long-awaited release of the full cut of "Grindhouse," and the entire "Slumber Party Massacre" Collection (FINALLY!!!).

Yeah, that's good stuff..

The great treat for fans of the boob tube will most likely rejoice to AMC's airing of "The Walking Dead," TV series based on the infamous graphic novels. I've been jonesing for some new, awesome zombie action...

In terms of noteworthy theatrical releases, we have a nice bunch...

There's "Let Me In" (America's version of "Let The Right One In"), "Buried" (A thriller that takes the concept of "The Vanishing" to a whole other level), "My Soul to Take" (A Welcome return to the genre by Wes Craven), "Hatchet II" (The long-awaited sequel to the recent Slasher favorite), "Night of the Demons" (The long-awaited remake to the classic demon flick from the 80s), The remake of the Grindhouse classic "I Spit On Your Grave," and, the total genre smackdown of the year, featuring "Paranormal Activity 2," and "Saw 3D"!!!

Being an all-out fan of Horror films, I look forward to all of these flicks.. It looks to be quite an interesting month. That's eight! Count 'em, eight Horror flicks to look forward to!!


"Slumber Party Massacre" Collection!!

AND, "The Walking Dead"!!!

I hope my eyeballs get raped.

Happy October, Everyone!!! Here's a tasty little jam to nosh on...

Take a walk with the Tall Boys...