Thursday, August 5, 2010

"Oddball" Quotes: The Final Chapter

I promise that this will indeed "be" the Final Chapter... maybe.

Anyways, here's 21-30...

21. "The Chair really kicks ass..."
from "Shocker" (1990)

I love this movie. I grew up with this movie. Horace Pinker used to scare the shit outta me!! Anyway, there was a lot of cool lines in this flick. It's too bad they couldn't make a franchise out of Horace Pinker's character. He was a cool villain. And he had some awesome lines. This line, however belonged to Lt. Don Parker, after witnessing Pinker get turned into a crispy critter in the electric chair. I always loved this line. It had this badassery to it...

22. "Get the hell outta the way, Hammerhead!!"
from "Dirty Harry" (1971)

Inspector Harry Callahan has no time for bullshit. If you're in his way, just know you need to get OUT of his way!! This sentiment is all the more evident by this immortal line that he spews out at some lame-o pedestrian. This line rulez.. I used to use this line sometimes. I even used it on this one girl, to which she then hit me...

23. "People on Ludes shouldn't drive..."
from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" (1982)

I use this line all the time I encounter nutty drivers out on the road... Jeffrey Spicoli, however, uses this line best as he is mowing past people on the road in Jefferson's bitchin' car. Spicoli, is most obviously the one who shouldn't be driving, as he crashes the car later on. It all worked out!! They killed Lincoln!!

24. "Yeah, it was a Hamilton Beach blender..."
from "Intruder" (1989)

Taken from one of my favorite slashers, I loved this line. It was pretty hilarious. Bub (played hilariously by Burr Steers) is telling a tale of when Jennifer's A-hole ex-boyfriend Craig almost tried to kill him. And if it weren't for his brother's prowess for blender-hitting, he'd be done for.
And you gotta always remember the brand of the blender that saved your life!!

25. "Rat-a-tat, tat, tat-touille... Rat-a-tat, tat, tat-touille..."
from "Friday the 13th Part V - A New Beginning" (1985)

Surprisingly, this line isn't from the awesome animated flick "Ratatouille." This is actually some peppy little tune hummed by mega-douche Pete, mere moments before his demise at the hands of fake-Jason in one of my favorite "Friday" sequels that doesn't get a whole lot of love. This Pete guy was just begging to get killed. His death is one of those deaths that you wished would be seriously vicious and painful, but it wasn't, sadly. C'mon, fake-Jason! Step your game up!! You're following in the footsteps of a Legend!!!

26. "You're gonna die, you evil-hosting fuck-stick!! No one touches my Ford!!"
from "Idle Hands" (1999)

Oh, this movie... how I love thee. This gory, super-fun horror comedy is chock full of classic lines, but I enjoy this one the most. Randy was just a radd dude who loved his Crue, AND his awesome Ford truck. You fuck with one of these things, and it's hell to pay!! Anton should know this, even though is hand is possessed by a demon...

27. "Hey, Motherfucker..."
from "The Last Boy Scout" (1991)

This movie is an epic of badassery... it is full of great lines, courtesy of genius screenwriter Shane Black. This one simple line has my heart. Me and my crazed, action flick-loving friends in high school used this line all the time!! Usually as a nice greeting. Anyways, this line is used with brilliance by Taylor Negron, who made an awesome, unconventional villain. Almost like one of those weirdo James Bond villains. I know, if I was about to die, I'd want to be referred to by my full first name. Seriously, who would want to be called Mike, or worse, Mikey when they are about to die??

28. "You wanna go to hell?? You wanna go to hell with me??!?"
from "Cobra" (1986)

Marion Cobretti has committed his life to getting rid of the scum of the Earth. He's like a roided-out Dirty Hairy, if you will. He has no time to hear the mad ramblings of these loonies. He does however, take enough time to listen to the main villain go on about "pigs" and the New Order... blah, blah, blah! Take him out, Cobra!!

29. "Excuse me, is Greg here??... Thank you.."
from "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" (1993)

Pure comedic genius. There are countless lines that Jim Carrey used in his unforgettable role as Ace Ventura. This one rules, because it was used in an awesome scene at a killer Cannibal Corpse concert, during one of their classic songs, "Hammer-Smashed Face." He then asks a head-banger where his friend is, and gets an enthusiastic response. This is most definitely my favorite scene in the movie. Too awesome...

30. "Slayed by a withering look. Who gives a shit??"
from "Pieces" (1982)

Taken from the outrageously gory, awesomely bad classic "Pieces," this flick had some classic bad-funny lines ("It's my Kung Fu Professor!"), but I always got a kick out of this line. This line was used by the dorky friend of campus hotshot Kendall. Tryin' to be all suave, he tries hitting on a girl with disastrous results. He then utters this great line. I always crack up to that line. Great line, excellent movie...

Before I leave you, there are 10 great Runners-up that need be mentioned...


1. "She's a wanker! You're all wankers!!"
from "Reform School Girls" (1987)

2. "I foken' hate pikeys..."
from "Snatch" (2000)

3. "I hope your pants get caught, and a bloodbath ensues!!"
from "Mallrats" (1995)

4. "What's this boy talkin' 'bout on the telephone, mann??"
from "Weird Science" (1985)

5. "Shut your fat ass, Ravie!! I can't buy a pack of smokes without runnin' into 9 guys you fucked!!"
from "Boondock Saints" (1999)

6. "The days are like women. Each one is so damn precious... but they always end up leaving me..."
from "Assault on Precinct 13" (1976)

7. "Clean food, please..."
from "Fight Club" (1999)

8. "Bill's a good guy. He's been a big help to me, a real blessin'... I mean, I couldn't have asked for a better specimen. You don't know, what kind of dry spell I've been having here! Total block!! total block!!! But Bill, he's okay..."
from "House of 1000 Corpses"

9. "You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore..."
from "Wet Hot American Summer" (2001)

10. "That'll do pig..."
from "Zombieland" (2009)

There you have it, folks!! That's it!! Class dismembered...

I leave you with this epic quote from the genius that is "Pieces"...

Sunday, August 1, 2010

"Oddball" Quotes Part Deux: The Second Story

And, this time... it IS personal...

The following is 11-20...

11. "S-C-E-X?? Sex? Well, you had to find out about it, didn't ya?? You just couldn't leave it alone. If you wanted to know about it so bad, why didn't you ask me? You wanna know about it? You wanna know about it? Ask me! Ask me!!"
from "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2" (1986)

All the lines from this flick and Tobe Hooper's original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" are all great quotes. With the sequel, there was definitely a great abundance of quoteworthy moments. Literally all the characters had great lines. From Stretch ("Are you mad at me??"), to Lefty ("Bring it all down!!!"), to ol' L.G. ("I built you a fry house."), to of course, Chop-Top, one of my favorite movie villains. Lines like "Time for incoming MAIL!!!" and "Lick my plate, you dogdick!!" are a few of the many great quotes uttered by this wacky character. The line above, however, belongs to The Cook... Reprising his role from the first film, Jim Siedow added a whole other level of insanity and hilarity to this role, as evidenced by his "sex" speech to poor lovestruck Bubba (that's Leatherface to you...). I can write a catalog about Chop-Top's numerous great lines, but this line always gets to me.

12. "Ah, man. I shot Marvin in the face."
"Why the fuck'd ya do that??"
from "Pulp Fiction" (1994)

"Pulp Fiction" is a work of insane genius. It is one of my top favorite films, and this is probably my favorite line in the damn movie!! Of course you have great lines like the "Royale with cheese," and the "Ezekiel 25:17" speech, but this line is just so perfectly hilarious. I love how Vincent says it like it's no big thing. Obviously, Jules and Vincent have seen their share of ultraviolence... Oh, and poor Marvin. At least Big Kahuna Burger was his last meal.
I'd prefer some In-and-Out...

13. "Oh Sandy... don't make me laugh. Ha, ha, ha..."
from "Grease" (1978)

I don't really dig on most musicals, but this is a pretty good flick. Plus, I figure another Travolta quote won't hurt none. Anyway, I always thought this line was pretty hilarious. His delivery of the line reminded me of his classic character of Barbarino from the show "Welcome Back Kotter." I loves da Sweathogs...

14. "Don't dance near the chemicals!! In fact, don't dance at all..."
from "Rock and Roll High School" (1979)

Riff Randle just wants her school to rawk!! And some all-out chaos begins during the opening credits as she blares the Ramones classic, "Sheena is a Punk Rocker" on her school's PA system!! All the classes erupt, and everyone starts to dance! The Science teacher, however feels it is quite unsafe to be dancing near the chemicals, as evidenced by this great line. There are many great, memorable lines in this flick, but I always thought this one was pretty random and cool. Gee whiz... doesn't this teacher know that he cannot stop the Fire of Youth??

15. "PIGGY!! Hahaha!!! Here, Piggy..."
from "Carrie" (1976)

Travolta is appearin' all over the place!! He had a lot of great lines in this film as the incorrigible Billy Nolan. but this line belonged to his buddy-pal Freddy. During the infamous "Pig-killing" sequence, Freddy provoked the poor pigs by chanting this creepy line. The delivery of this line was pretty damn creepy, but once it came down to the killin', he wasn't up to it. So, Billy makes fun of him and does it himself. The whole banter between him and Freddy during this scene was pretty hilarious. He even utters "Git 'r done!" way before that Cable Guy douche...

16. "You're killin' me, Smalls."
from "The Sandlot" (1993)

Back when I was a kid, this was my MOVIE!! There was a time, when this demented mind liked his kid flicks. Like the "Problem Child" flicks, the "Mighty Duck" flicks, "Three Ninjas," etc. This one remains a timeless favorite. You can't blame poor Smalls for not knowing Jack about Tobacco, Baseball, and gnarly S'mores... but his pals made fun of him anyway, most notably "Ham," with this classic line. I'm sure at one point in time, everyone has felt like Smalls as a kid. I liked Bertram. He was my dawgg...

17. "Our responsibilities are finished..."
from "Dawn of the Dead" (1979)

There are boundless amounts of quote-age from this seminal zombie classic, but this particular line is my favorite. It's very simple, effective, and had a great delivery. During the frantic opening credits scene, all-out chaos is abound at a television station during a mass zombie outbreak, as specialists are arguing what makes the zombies tick. Everyone starts evacuating when they find out that most of the rescue stations have closed down. Our main heroine Fran is then confronted by her pushy boyfriend Steven (Flyboy) to go with him. One of the camera operators at the station insists that she goes, uttering this great line. I feel that I really identify with this line. If I was to be one of the characters in this film, it'd be that guy. Hopefully, I would survive...

18. "Everything is true. God is an Astronaut. Oz is over the rainbow... And Midian is where the monsters live..."
from "Nightbreed" (1990)

One of my favorite underrated horror flicks, this was Clive Barker's bloody fun follow-up to "Hellraiser." In this flick, all Boone wants to do is become one of the Nightbreed, which is this underground world of gnarly-lookin' monsters, including Peloquin, my favorite badasss. In a memorable sequence, Boone has an unfortunate run-in with this guy, in which he utters this line of epic awesomeness. It's pure poetry...
I want to be Peloquin!! He rulezzz!!!

19. "I want two meatball sandwiches... Utah!! Get me two!!"
from "Point Break" (1991)

You gots to love Busey... As Special Agent Angelo Pappas, Busey put a lot of quirkiness and downright awesomeness to his role. And him and Johnny fuckin' Utah made a great pair. It is especially evident in this one scene where he instructs Utah to get him some food. All he wanted was his meatball sammiches... but, oh no. The Ex-Presidents had ta foul it up...

Hey, Punk Rockerrr...

20. "Don't make me laugh, Baby Pig. This takes concentration..."
from "Demons" (1985)

It's badly dubbed, which makes it all the more awesome. It's also a true horror classic, and it's full of great quotes. This one, however, is my favorite. Shit is hitting the fan as demons are invading a mysterious theater. Meanwhile, a group of Go West-loving punkers are drivin' around and sniffing coke out of a Coke can. That's product placement for ya... An argument arises, which leads to some of the punkers to spill some of the yayo. This pisses off leader "Ripper" something fierce, and he makes the other three pick up "every gram!!" This leads to this hilarious quote from one of the punkers. I love that line, and I love this movie!!

Here's a nice runner-up from that same film:

"You look like you're scared of breakin'!!"

Ahh... Tony The Pimp... he was so awesome. And it sounds like a line that comes from those "Breakin'" movies. Boogaloo Shrimp!!!

That is all for this installment...

Stay tuned for Part 3...